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sexual health

Make-Up Sex After an Argument: Is It Good or Bad?

Many couples argue and often try to put the fighting behind them by having “make-up sex.” But is this a good habit to get into or will it lead right back down the same dead-end street? Most make-up sex is bad news because it reinforces all of the emotional drama associated with the fighting. The root of this type of sexual relations is extremely negative feelings during a heated argument.

These couples, wanting to switch gears to the opposite end of the spectrum, often crave intimacy and wind up having make-up sex to quell the mutual bad feelings that are presiding over the relationship at that moment.

Not Resolving Issues

By replacing an honest talk with make-up sex, the couple avoids a healthy discussion about the relationship. Couples who do this are actually doing their relationship a disservice. They eventually miss the thrill of make-up sex and subconsciously start fights just so they can be “solved” with make-up sex.

If one partner feels unable to communicate with the other about anything serious without starting a fight, the simplest solution often seems to be just tabling those hurt feelings. This, in turn, leads to resentment, more bad feelings, and ultimately an unhealthy relationship.

Rehashing Old Arguments

By bringing up or making jabs related to an old argument, a couple is doomed to never move past it. This is a very unhealthy habit that ensures a never-ending feud – especially if the argument was already resolved. Bringing up the past after already coming to an understanding indicates to a partner that previous resolutions don’t mean anything to the relationship – leaving no incentive for either partner to attempt reconciliation in the future. If you resort to make-up sex instead of resolving your issues, you’re likely to face the same arguments all over again.

Making Excuses

Instead of lying about the reason for a fight, making up a flimsy excuse, and engaging in make-up sex, sit and have a frank discussion about how the argument started and why it led to a fight. Making excuses just covers up the truth underneath, which eventually comes out anyway. Honest communication will get you much further in the long run than any make-up sex ever could. Sex-based on truthful communication has a much better chance of being a loving, satisfying experience.

Professional Help for Your Relationship in New Jersey

If you and your partner are mired in make-up sex and avoiding that all-important talk, reach out to our professional counselors at Advanced Psychology Partners. We offer a full range of couples and singles counseling to help resolve a multitude of issues.

Call us at (973) 743-2990, or schedule a complimentary meet & greet using our form online to see how we can help you and your relationship.

Erectile Dysfunction: 5 Major Causes

Make no mistake about it – most men don’t enjoy talking about their sexual health. But it’s time to take erectile dysfunction (ED) off the taboo list of topics. According to the National Institutes of Health, 5 percent of 40-year-olds and 15 to 25 percent of 65-year-olds have ED.

While aging and ED can coincide, problems in the bedroom don’t have to be par for the course as you age.

ED is defined as the inability to get and keep an erection firm enough to have sexual intercourse, and there are many factors that can contribute to these types of performance problems. The following are five major causes of ED:

Blood Flow

The heart is our lifeline, pumping blood to all major parts and organs in the body – and the penis is no exception. Without proper blood flow to the penis, a man cannot achieve or sustain an erection. For those with cardiac-related conditions, such as high blood pressure, this is an unfortunate reality.

According to a Harvard Medical School report, atherosclerosis (clogged blood vessels and arteries) in regions supplying the genitalia can prevent the increase in blood flow required for intercourse. One helpful analogy is to think of the erection as a hydraulic mechanism, where blood is delivered temporarily, before ultimately being drained away.

Medication

Taking any medication comes with a certain modicum of risk, as evidenced by the laundry list of side effects listed at the end of popular drug commercials. Many medications such as beta-blockers and cancer chemotherapy medications, as well as illicit drugs (cocaine and amphetamines), can contribute to ED.

If you believe one of your medications could be the cause of trouble in the bedroom, speak with your physician who can analyze your medication regimen and modify it to mitigate the effects.

Neurological Conditions

The body’s neurological system is a complex web that sends messages to the rest of the body. When the wires get crossed – so to speak – things can go awry. Erectile dysfunction is often related to nervous system issues caused by spinal cord injuries, epilepsy, multiple sclerosis (MS), or Parkinson’s disease.

Researchers are working to improve quality of life and raise awareness of the complexities of sexual function in men with neurogenic disorders.

Endocrine Disease

Nerve damage is also part and parcel of diabetes – an endocrine disease and epidemic that affected 30.3 million Americans as of 2015. The health of the endocrine system is important for several reasons: it controls the reproductive system, mood, metabolism, and sexual function. A reduction in blood flow, coupled with off-kilter hormone levels, can lead to erectile trouble.

Psychological Factors

All too often, diagnoses take into account the physical but don’t pay close enough attention to the psychological factors that may be contributing to a disorder like ED. Emotional disorders, such as depression and anxiety, as well as lifestyle factors, can reduce interest in sex, detracting from one’s ability to maintain an erection.

Performance anxiety is another common cause of ED, leading to inability of getting or maintaining an erection in front of a partner. In these cases, the sheer stress of anticipating sexual activity can lead to dysfunction. Getting 20 minutes of exercise per day has been known to do wonders for alleviating stress. Speaking with a psychologist or getting sex therapy and education can also be highly beneficial.

Comprehensive Counseling in Montclair

Advanced Psychology Partners is a sex-positive and sex-affirming therapy and relationship practice, offering comprehensive care to patients looking to conquer sexual and social anxiety, sex drive changes, sexual desire discrepancy, and erectile dysfunction.

Our professionals will work with you as an individual or in a group.

The first step to solving erectile dysfunction is putting your guard down. Call (973) 743-2990 today for more information. You may also request an appointment or a complimentary Meet & Greet using our form online.

Stop Thinking Sex Is Dirty! Here Is What to Think Instead

Many people in America, while they may have sex, even regularly, believe it’s a dirty act. This can be a result of how they were raised, religious views, and even just not wanting to be messy.

If you jump out of bed as soon as sex is over or are disgusted with the mess of fluids and lubrication that comes with it, you likely think sex is dirty. However, it’s important that you rethink the act: Remember it’s the act that brings new life!

The afterglow, or the intimate moments after sex, are important. Staying with the feeling of bonding after sex – rather than cutting it off and walking away – is important for the relationship.

Sure, you could hop right in the shower, but that’s just more for you to do. Instead, bask in the afterglow. Don’t be afraid to let everything happen naturally.

Shift Your Thoughts About Sex

In our daily lives, we’re constantly doing our best to be orderly, neat, and clean. While this is fine for when you’re cleaning the house or doing your job, this overwhelming desire to live our life this way can negatively affect our pleasure and passion when we get into the bedroom.

Many people think sex is messy, dirty, yucky, and smelly. Even when they’re in the act, they’re not enjoying it to the fullest potential. Eventually, this can lead you to feel even worse about sex, such as it being wrong or naughty.

If that’s your case, the main feeling that may swirl around your mind may be disgust – and that is the complete opposite of feeling aroused and appealed to sexual intimacy. These thoughts can make you feel uncomfortable and stressed about sex, maybe even causing you to reject your partner or yourself.

Let Yourself Be Natural

If these thoughts are plaguing your sex life, you simply need to adjust your perspective. Remember these key things:

  • Sex is natural and normal.
  • Fluids and smells during sex are a good sign of arousal.
  • Arousal leads to pleasure, and pleasure leads to a release of stress, fears, and anxieties.
  • You can always change the sheets later.
  • It is safe and acceptable for you to feel sexual pleasure.

Repetition of these thoughts and reminders can help it become more effective in your love life. Start taking control of your thoughts, and soon you’ll take control of your sex life – in the way you should.

Sex Therapists in Montclair

If you continue to struggle with seeing sex as dirty, visit the professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners. Achieving great sexual health for yourself and your partner starts in the mind.

With the help of our professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners, you and your partner can discuss your sex life in a therapeutic and safe environment. Our sex therapists will treat your issue with discretion, compassion, and respect.

Request an appointment today by calling (973) 534-5333 or fill out our online appointment request form now. We look forward to helping you enjoy your intimate side of life!

Bringing Tools Into The Bedroom

There are many reasons you may want to bring tools into the bedroom. Whether it’s to spice up your sex life, or out of sheer curiosity, sex toys can be a great addition to your sex life. Bringing sex toys into your bedroom may seem like a daunting conversation to have with your partner.  You may be apprehensive that your partner will judge you; you be worry that you will be judged or are afraid that you may be rejected. Bringing tools into the equation can be quite simple if you take a few things into consideration beforehand.

What to do Before You Buy a Sex Toy

Before committing to any sex toy, it’s important to talk to your partner about they feel about it. It may be best to approach the topic with your partner outside of the bedroom when you’re both in a good mood. This allows the subject to be something that’s more distanced, in case they are surprised by the content. Surprising your partner with a new toy may cause your partner to get defensive or feel pressured to go along, even if they’re uncomfortable. Once you’ve both agreed to try it out, you can start small.

Where to Start

You may want to start small with things that set the mood.  Start with some basic tools such as candles, lubricant, massage oils, educational books, and a romantic game. Once you get used to using these, it can create the mood to introduce toys. You will also want to make sure that there are no distractions. Put the smartphone away and have the kids stay with the grandparents for the weekend. That way you can focus on each other.

Discuss What You’re Comfortable With

It’s important to discuss the goal of the tool that you want to bring in. Is the experience you are seeking to create a romantic, sensual or highly erotic? For example, many people know that the correct vibrations can cause orgasms for women more easily than traditional sex. Some tools can enhance the intimacy and sensation for both men and women, even at the same time. Comfort is key with any sexual act or experience. The best way to be comfortable is to be educated.

Get Educated on Your Tools

Beware that you don’t just purchase any toy, as they can be poor quality and even harmful to the body. Any toys you use in or around the body should be 100% silicone, 100% elastomer, or food-grade vinyl. You can shop online, in a specialty store, at home through personal shoppers or even at a local drug store. Also, be sure to be educated on the shape or function of the tools and how to use them safely. You don’t want to have a set of Ben Wa balls go missing.

Speak the Same Language

Before getting underway with any sex toy, it’s important to set up rules of engagement and language. Decide what is acceptable and what is not; be honest and ensure your partner knows not to take anything personally if things don’t go as planned. Remember, a great partnership takes years to build, with lots of give and take, and sometimes compromise.

Experience great sexual health for yourself and your partner with the help of professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners. We assist patients of all sexual orientation and ages and we offer personalized therapy in a comfortable, private environment. Choose the therapist you wish to confide in and you will be treated with the utmost discretion, compassion, and respect. To take the first step on the road to great sexual relationships and experiences, request an appointment today. Call (973) 534-5333 or complete our online appointment request form now.

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