marriage counseling

How Does Couples Therapy Work?

Congratulations to you and your partner for seeking out couples therapy to get through an impasse or work through a problem to take your relationship to the next level. Once you have selected a therapist who is right for you, you will start your sessions. But how does couples therapy work? Here are a few things you can expect.

Couples Therapy is a Process

For couples therapy to be effective, both parties have to want to be active, engaged, and honest participants. That’s because couples therapy is a process, not a series of isolated sessions. Don’t expect a free for all with finger-pointing and “he said/she said.” Rather, couples therapy is most effective when it is used to to identify problems, then working through these problems without conflict to develop solutions and methodologies to reach your goals.

Expect Change

Change isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, when guided by a trained professional, change can result in growth, awareness, and an opportunity to re-evaluate feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Your therapist will not only serve as a counselor but also as a facilitator so both parties can express their perspectives in a judgment-free, safe environment, where growth is both nurtured and encouraged.

Expect Homework

Throughout your sessions, you should expect to explore communication styles, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are impacting your relationship. And don’t expect the work to stop once the session is over. Your therapist may ask you to keep a journal, practice behaviors at home or try new ways of approaching a scenario.

Expect a Unique Experience

Before engaging in couples therapy, you may seek advice from a friend or scan the web for a how-to of what to expect. Remember, couples counseling is anything but one-size-fits-all. Each couple is unique as a union, as well as the individuals that comprise it. Your therapist may recommend individual sessions, joint sessions – or both; whatever is best for you. No matter the type of relationship you’re in – whether heterosexual or alternative sexuality communities; or whatever lifestyle you choose to practice, you should feel comfortable and accepted in your space and with your counseling professional.

It May Get Awkward

Discussing sexuality and intimacy, dysfunction, lifestyle preferences, and fidelity can be awkward and uncomfortable. Still, you should be prepared to incorporate these or any other relevant topics into the conversation. As you and your partner feel more comfortable opening up about topics that are impacting your relationship, your therapist will be better able to gauge the success of your personalized, results-oriented therapy plan.

Couples Therapy in Montclair

Advanced Psychology Partners in Montclair, NJ, provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented counseling and therapy for individuals and couples. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, Ph.D. and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures patients get the specialized counseling they need in a judgment-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333. Not sure what to expect? Please inquire about our FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

How do I Find a Couples Therapist?

The decision for a couple to turn to therapy is a positive step to not only open lines of communication and understanding but to restore the relationship if that is the goal. But how do you know which therapist is best for and your partner? If you find your relationship would benefit from professional couples therapy but you don’t know how to choose which therapist is right for you, here are some helpful tips.

Articulate the Problem

There are many reasons why a couple would seek therapy, ranging from sexual dysfunction, addiction and death of a loved one to divorce and trauma. While you and your partner may not be able to understand the many nuances of the problem, you both should feel at ease to articulate your concerns and then let the therapist use your input to develop the best plan to suit your needs.

Experience and Education

While many therapists offer many of the qualities you are seeking, each couple is unique and not all therapists are prepared or trained to work with their specific needs. When seeking out a couple’s therapist, be sure they have the education and training to provide the best care for you. Your perspective couples therapist should encourage you to ask questions about their background; you should also peruse the practice’s Web site to understand their approach to counseling and therapy.

Open-Minded

Many therapists are adept at working with couples, however, they may be uncomfortable or unprepared to discuss some of the more personal or nuanced aspects of a modern long-term relationship. A therapist who doesn’t judge and remains open-minded about “alternative” lifestyles that may include BDSM, polyamory, and swinging can provide the insight and guidance you need while navigating non-traditional relationships. Likewise, if required, the therapist should be as comfortable working with gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and non-binary/genderqueer couples as he or she would with a heterosexual couple.

Dealing with Infidelity

Infidelity doesn’t have to be the nail in a relationship’s coffin. Seeking counseling for infidelity – whether intimate or cyber – with the support of a knowledgeable and trained therapist can lead to a greater understanding of underlying problems in a relationship.

Goal-oriented

A couple that mutually agrees to seek counseling should have goals in mind. Whether it’s strengthening the relationship; overcoming loss; re-establishing trust, intimacy and mutual respect; or seeking the best ways to part amicably, your therapist should be willing to work toward your goals, offering guidance and flexibility as you and your partner progress in your sessions.

Couples Therapy in Montclair, NJ

Seeking the right therapist for you and your partner shouldn’t be a guessing game. In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented counseling and therapy that can help you through the bumps and bruises that can occur in any committed relationship. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, Ph.D. and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures couples get the expert and caring counseling they need in a judgment-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333. Be sure to ask about our FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you and your partner.

How Marriage Counseling Can Help Overcome an Infidelity

“To love, honor and cherish, ‘til death do us part.” The vows of marriage establish the parameters of eternal love and lifelong commitment. So what happens when these vows are tested by infidelity? For many couples, infidelity is a deal-breaker, meaning the marriage vows have become void; while others treat their marriage as a sacred bond worth fighting for. For them, an infidelity may serve as a result of something greater – something that can be overcome. For couples who may have experienced an infidelity, a wise thing is to seek marriage counseling. Here’s how marriage counseling can help overcome an infidelity.

Getting to the Why

For couples experiencing infidelity, the most commonly asked question is “why?” Depending on the reason, one partner may blame him or herself; another may be pointing accusatory fingers. In some cases, infidelity may rise from a series of unfortunate or unintended events. Whether one is seeking solace or appreciation, “hanky panky” on the side or is trying to reclaim validation or a feeling of virility, there is no one reason why one may cheat. Marriage counseling can offer a safe space where couples can discuss their feelings and concerns, with an unbiased professional to help them uncover clues as to why the infidelity occurred.

Salvaging a Relationship

A marriage counselor can offer strategies and suggestions to help a couple overcome an infidelity. Working through pain, shame, expectation and guilt – and learning to accept these behaviors – can pave the way to salvaging a relationship, a marriage and a family, or developing next steps if the relationship is coming to a close.

Coming to Terms with Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating. For others, it can provide a starting point to re-evaluate the relationship and the expectations that go along with it. Under the guidance of a professional marriage counselor, a couple can receive impartial, expert advice and guidance on how to process the situation in light of familial, cultural and personal expectations.

More than Meets the Eye

When it comes to infidelity, there may be more than meets the eye. No matter how close a couple is, it is still comprised of two unique people who require open and honest communication, trust, respect and validation. In short, it’s a private thing and must be addressed as such. With marriage counseling, what’s best for the couple is what matters. A professional marriage counselor will help the couple deal with external pulls and internal struggles, helping the couple reach resolution that is best for them and those they care for most.

Seeking Marriage Counseling in Montclair

Infidelity is a complex issue that can leave a couple feeling pained and conflicted. However, it can also result from any number of underlying issues. For some infidelity is a deal breaker; for those who believe the relationship is worth saving, marriage counseling may be an extremely valuable investment of time and energy.

In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented marriage counseling and therapy that can help you through an infidelity or any other relationship issue. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures couples get the counseling they need in a judgement-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

Call Us: (973) 534-5333