Relationship Therapy

How Does Couples Therapy Work?

Congratulations to you and your partner for seeking out couples therapy to get through an impasse or work through a problem to take your relationship to the next level. Once you have selected a therapist who is right for you, you will start your sessions. But how does couples therapy work? Here are a few things you can expect.

Couples Therapy is a Process

For couples therapy to be effective, both parties have to want to be active, engaged, and honest participants. That’s because couples therapy is a process, not a series of isolated sessions. Don’t expect a free for all with finger-pointing and “he said/she said.” Rather, couples therapy is most effective when it is used to to identify problems, then working through these problems without conflict to develop solutions and methodologies to reach your goals.

Expect Change

Change isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, when guided by a trained professional, change can result in growth, awareness, and an opportunity to re-evaluate feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Your therapist will not only serve as a counselor but also as a facilitator so both parties can express their perspectives in a judgment-free, safe environment, where growth is both nurtured and encouraged.

Expect Homework

Throughout your sessions, you should expect to explore communication styles, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are impacting your relationship. And don’t expect the work to stop once the session is over. Your therapist may ask you to keep a journal, practice behaviors at home or try new ways of approaching a scenario.

Expect a Unique Experience

Before engaging in couples therapy, you may seek advice from a friend or scan the web for a how-to of what to expect. Remember, couples counseling is anything but one-size-fits-all. Each couple is unique as a union, as well as the individuals that comprise it. Your therapist may recommend individual sessions, joint sessions – or both; whatever is best for you. No matter the type of relationship you’re in – whether heterosexual or alternative sexuality communities; or whatever lifestyle you choose to practice, you should feel comfortable and accepted in your space and with your counseling professional.

It May Get Awkward

Discussing sexuality and intimacy, dysfunction, lifestyle preferences, and fidelity can be awkward and uncomfortable. Still, you should be prepared to incorporate these or any other relevant topics into the conversation. As you and your partner feel more comfortable opening up about topics that are impacting your relationship, your therapist will be better able to gauge the success of your personalized, results-oriented therapy plan.

Couples Therapy in Montclair

Advanced Psychology Partners in Montclair, NJ, provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented counseling and therapy for individuals and couples. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, Ph.D. and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures patients get the specialized counseling they need in a judgment-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333. Not sure what to expect? Please inquire about our FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

How Marriage Counseling Can Help Overcome an Infidelity

“To love, honor and cherish, ‘til death do us part.” The vows of marriage establish the parameters of eternal love and lifelong commitment. So what happens when these vows are tested by infidelity? For many couples, infidelity is a deal-breaker, meaning the marriage vows have become void; while others treat their marriage as a sacred bond worth fighting for. For them, an infidelity may serve as a result of something greater – something that can be overcome. For couples who may have experienced an infidelity, a wise thing is to seek marriage counseling. Here’s how marriage counseling can help overcome an infidelity.

Getting to the Why

For couples experiencing infidelity, the most commonly asked question is “why?” Depending on the reason, one partner may blame him or herself; another may be pointing accusatory fingers. In some cases, infidelity may rise from a series of unfortunate or unintended events. Whether one is seeking solace or appreciation, “hanky panky” on the side or is trying to reclaim validation or a feeling of virility, there is no one reason why one may cheat. Marriage counseling can offer a safe space where couples can discuss their feelings and concerns, with an unbiased professional to help them uncover clues as to why the infidelity occurred.

Salvaging a Relationship

A marriage counselor can offer strategies and suggestions to help a couple overcome an infidelity. Working through pain, shame, expectation and guilt – and learning to accept these behaviors – can pave the way to salvaging a relationship, a marriage and a family, or developing next steps if the relationship is coming to a close.

Coming to Terms with Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating. For others, it can provide a starting point to re-evaluate the relationship and the expectations that go along with it. Under the guidance of a professional marriage counselor, a couple can receive impartial, expert advice and guidance on how to process the situation in light of familial, cultural and personal expectations.

More than Meets the Eye

When it comes to infidelity, there may be more than meets the eye. No matter how close a couple is, it is still comprised of two unique people who require open and honest communication, trust, respect and validation. In short, it’s a private thing and must be addressed as such. With marriage counseling, what’s best for the couple is what matters. A professional marriage counselor will help the couple deal with external pulls and internal struggles, helping the couple reach resolution that is best for them and those they care for most.

Seeking Marriage Counseling in Montclair

Infidelity is a complex issue that can leave a couple feeling pained and conflicted. However, it can also result from any number of underlying issues. For some infidelity is a deal breaker; for those who believe the relationship is worth saving, marriage counseling may be an extremely valuable investment of time and energy.

In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented marriage counseling and therapy that can help you through an infidelity or any other relationship issue. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures couples get the counseling they need in a judgement-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

Top Benefits of Couples Therapy

There are many reasons a couples would seek therapy. Whether there are behaviors deeply affecting the relationship or a situation has arisen that a couple is trying to deal with, couples therapy may be in order to ensure a relationship continues to thrive. Even couples who have no trouble communicating may face a situation where an outside party can help them navigate rough or choppy waters. If communication is lacking between you and your partner or there is a situation that is uncharted, it’s best to seek professional help. Here are just a few benefits of couples therapy.

Couples Therapy Can Help with Intimacy

Problems that may plague a relationship often play out in the bedroom. Sometimes the reason may have to do with external factors, such as an affair, frustration with work or life in general, exhaustion or boredom. However, difficulty to achieve – or lack of – intimacy may be the result of an underlying health issue. Both men and women can suffer from sexual dysfunction that affects intimacy. For a man it could be physical trauma, Low Testosterone, or a medical condition; for women, it may be menopause, vaginal dryness or treatment for an illness or medical condition. While the health issues can be addressed through medical treatment, the affects may result in misunderstandings, communications issues, even shame. If you are experiencing a lack of intimacy, for any reason, couples therapy can help and can also serve as a great supplement to medical treatment.

Couples Therapy and Non-Traditional Relationships

While a couple may enthusiastically engage in alternative lifestyle relationships – from polyamory to an “open relationship” to practicing kink or BDSM – enthusiasm isn’t always enough to maintain the base relationship. Couples counseling can help you set much needed boundaries, helping you to establish rules, understanding and expectations in a safe, non-judgmental place.

Couples Therapy and a Happy Family

All families are different and deal with problems differently. A counselor can assist in creating open lines of communication and help a couple navigate their unique experiences to come together as a unified, supportive front.

Couples Therapy Can Open Lines of Communication

Spouses need to be able to express themselves without fear of misunderstanding, shutting down or retaliation. Couples therapy can teach both parties how to communicate more effectively, offering techniques and tactics to create a give-and-take that helps couples grow and thrive.

Couples Therapy and Conflict Resolution

By seeing a therapist, you and your partner can learn best practices to resolve conflict and differences that can weigh a partnership down.

Couples Therapy and Dealing with Loss and Trauma

Devastating news can strain even the strongest relationships. Whether it’s illness, loss of a loved one, losing a job, or a strain on trust, couples therapy can help by providing guidance and strategies to cope with and work through change.

Couples Counseling in Montclair

Whether you are in a “traditional” marriage, are life partners, engaged, or dating, a healthy relationship takes lots of work. In many cases, the guidance of an expert couples therapist can help that relationship mature and grow. In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides discreet, personalized, results-oriented therapy that can help your relationship be all it can be. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric K. Larsen, MA, LPC provides couples the counseling they need for a lifetime of success. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to get a sense of what working with us will be like.

If You Can’t Achieve an Orgasm, It May Be Anorgasmia

Anorgasmia is the clinical term for the inability to achieve orgasm even after ample sexual stimulation, and it occurs much more often in women than it does in men. This issue can happen due to various reasons, such as taking certain medications, medical issues, or psychological issues.

If you are at peace with your lack of reaching orgasm and feel your sex life is healthy enough, then so be it. However, if you wish to get to the reason behind your inability to climax, there are steps that you and your partner can try.

What Are the Symptoms of Anorgasmia?

An orgasm is an overwhelming, intense feeling of physical pleasure and release of tension that is accompanied by involuntary contractions of the muscles in the pelvic floor. The way an orgasm feels varies from individual to individual and even can differ from orgasm to orgasm.

There are multiple types of anorgasmia, including the following:

Generalized Anorgasmia – You cannot achieve an orgasm in any situation or with any partner.
Situational Anorgasmia – You can only have an orgasm in certain circumstances. Reasons vary from person to person.
Acquired Anorgasmia – You have had them in the past, but now are having trouble reaching climax.

Physical Causes of Anorgasmia

Health issues like MS, ALS, and Parkinson’s disease may interfere with a woman’s ability to have an orgasm. Other reasons are gynecological in nature and result from surgeries, like a hysterectomy or cancer. This is often accompanied by other concerns like uncomfortable or painful intercourse.

Medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which are antidepressants, can wreak havoc on a person’s sexual performance and satisfaction. So can the normal aging process and changing hormonal levels.

Psychological Causes of Anorgasmia

There are many different psychological reasons why a person may develop anorgasmia. Some of them are:

Anxiety
Depression
Feelings of insufficiency
Poor body image
Low self-esteem
Cultural issues
Past sexual or emotional abuse

Sex therapy can help you overcome any of these mental obstacles that may be interfering with your ability to relax and have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner.

Treating This Condition

First, realize that you are not alone in experiencing this issue! Treatment is available – and a skilled counselor who practices couples therapy can help you determine whether it is due to a physical cause or a psychological cause.

Ask your partner to help, and be patient. Increase sexual stimulation – some women find that a certain position causes more stimulation and is more effective in achieving orgasm.

Sex Therapy in Montclair

If your attempts do not work, there is counseling available to help treat this phenomenon. It’s supposed to be fun and feel good – so if it doesn’t, it may be time to get marriage counseling to get your physical relationship back on track.

We are licensed in counseling and psychology, and we focus on keeping our clients comfortable even though they’re talking about a very uncomfortable subject.

Contact our team at Advanced Psychology Partners by calling us today at (973) 534-5333, or request a consultation by filling out our online form. Let us help you put the joy back in sex.

The Phenomenon of “Bed Death”

Bed death is when two people in a committed relationship no longer have sex as often as both or either would like. Sometimes it is referred to as a “sexless relationship” because of the infrequency of intimate relations. Here in the U.S., it is estimated that there are approximately 20 million people in sexless relationships.

This issue of bed death is a very real phenomenon among couples for many reasons. First, people naturally mellow out as we age. Second, there may be health issues or ancillary issues that are interfering with the levels of desire. Third, people these days are often distracted by cell phones and the internet.

When both people are no longer open and honest about this subject with each other, this is what needs to be addressed.

When Couples No Longer Have Sex

Whereas new couples cannot keep their hands off of one another, older or more long-term couples in some cases no longer touch one another. Many couples break up due to an apparent lack of interest in each other.

That is why it is so important to sit down and broach the subject. Sometimes people are afraid to discuss bed death for fear of more unhappiness, so they stay silent and suffer – but do not let this happen to you.

Come up with an ideal frequency of when you would like to have sex, and have your partner do the same. Then talk to each other about it.

How to Improve My Relationship with My Partner

That is a good starting point for discussions about what has happened to your sex life and why it has happened. It also provides the opportunity to start scheduling date nights and make time for them.

Spend time cuddling and just enjoying being together. Turn off those phones, and remove distractions. One thing may lead to another, but if it doesn’t, at least you have shared an intimate evening of simply being in each other’s company without answering texts.

Why Did We Stop Having Sex?

Bed death is a fairly common occurrence and can be caused by distractions, worries, stress, health, and other things that are getting in the way. If you don’t want it to be a problem, have an earnest discussion with each other.

A sexless marriage or relationship does not mean anything is wrong unless one or both partners are unhappy about it. The only people whose opinions matter in this instance are you two. Nobody else should be involved in defining your relationship, period.

Who Can Help Us Resolve Bed Death?

When two people in a relationship are no longer having sexual relations with each other, or they are having sex much less often than one or both would prefer, it is best to see an experienced sex therapist to help get past the issues that are causing it. This issue does not mean that the relationship is broken – it is indeed fixable.

Talk to relationship experts who have decades of experience in the field of marriage, relationships, and sexual intimacy. We are conveniently located in Montclair, New Jersey, about a block away from Bloomfield Avenue on Fullerton.

Contact us today at Advanced Psychology Partners by calling (973) 534-5333 or request an appointment online now. Let us help you get the spice back in your life.

Call Us: (973) 534-5333