Healthy Sex Life

Sex Addicts Anonymous: How to Help Your Partner

If your partner has an obsessive, unhealthy relationship to sex, there are steps you can take to help him or her.

There are many sexual thoughts, fantasies, and/or actions that may be problematic, including promiscuity or the compulsive use of pornography. When compulsion drives fantasies or behaviors, and the thoughts or behaviors continue despite negative consequences in your life, that’s when it may be considered a sex addiction – a serious impulse-control disorder requiring treatment.

A mental health provider can help you get to the bottom of sexual addiction and identify the reasons for particular sexual compulsions.

Treating a Sex Addict

There are many different approaches used to treat a person with sex addiction. Most often, a combination of psychotherapy, medication, and group support are used.

Individual therapy can help a patient learn to rechannel their energies toward healthy, productive pursuits instead of harmful or dangerous patterns involving sex. This may involve the use of cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, as well as other techniques. Couples therapy can provide the tools needed to improve communication and resolve disputes, as well as guidance for dealing with sexual addiction such as setting boundaries and handling triggers that may arise. Therapy can address a host of issues surrounding sex and relationships.

Various medications may be prescribed as part of sex addiction treatment. Some drugs may be used to address underlying issues that may be contributing to the addiction or relieve the effects of the disorder. Medications that may be prescribed to treat sex addiction include:

Antidepressants typically used to treat anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder may help patients with a sex addiction.
Naltrexone has been used to treat addictive behaviors because it can successfully block the reward center of the brain, which sends out pleasure signals in response to certain actions in the body. Naltrexone has helped people with gambling addiction as well as compulsive sexual addiction.
Mood stabilizers used to treat bipolar disorder may have some benefit when used to treat sexual compulsions.
Anti-androgens reduce and curb the biological effects of sex hormones (like testosterone) in men. These medications can effectively reduce sexual urges, but are only ever used as a short-term, temporary solution in a small percentage of situations. The goal of sex addiction treatment isn’t to remove sexual desire and activity from you or a partner’s life, but to be able to re-engage in sex in a healthy way.

Group therapy can provide the support needed to a person suffering with sex addiction. Simply knowing you are not alone when dealing with a subject as taboo as sex addiction can provide the emotional support needed to be able to do the work necessary to recover.

If you or your partner have an addiction to sex and it has taken over your life, contact Advanced Psychology Partners by calling (973) 534-5333 or request a consultation now to get the help you need from discreet professionals who specialize in the field.

If You Can’t Achieve an Orgasm, It May Be Anorgasmia

Anorgasmia is the clinical term for the inability to achieve orgasm even after ample sexual stimulation, and it occurs much more often in women than it does in men. This issue can happen due to various reasons, such as taking certain medications, medical issues, or psychological issues.

If you are at peace with your lack of reaching orgasm and feel your sex life is healthy enough, then so be it. However, if you wish to get to the reason behind your inability to climax, there are steps that you and your partner can try.

What Are the Symptoms of Anorgasmia?

An orgasm is an overwhelming, intense feeling of physical pleasure and release of tension that is accompanied by involuntary contractions of the muscles in the pelvic floor. The way an orgasm feels varies from individual to individual and even can differ from orgasm to orgasm.

There are multiple types of anorgasmia, including the following:

Generalized Anorgasmia – You cannot achieve an orgasm in any situation or with any partner.
Situational Anorgasmia – You can only have an orgasm in certain circumstances. Reasons vary from person to person.
Acquired Anorgasmia – You have had them in the past, but now are having trouble reaching climax.

Physical Causes of Anorgasmia

Health issues like MS, ALS, and Parkinson’s disease may interfere with a woman’s ability to have an orgasm. Other reasons are gynecological in nature and result from surgeries, like a hysterectomy or cancer. This is often accompanied by other concerns like uncomfortable or painful intercourse.

Medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which are antidepressants, can wreak havoc on a person’s sexual performance and satisfaction. So can the normal aging process and changing hormonal levels.

Psychological Causes of Anorgasmia

There are many different psychological reasons why a person may develop anorgasmia. Some of them are:

Anxiety
Depression
Feelings of insufficiency
Poor body image
Low self-esteem
Cultural issues
Past sexual or emotional abuse

Sex therapy can help you overcome any of these mental obstacles that may be interfering with your ability to relax and have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner.

Treating This Condition

First, realize that you are not alone in experiencing this issue! Treatment is available – and a skilled counselor who practices couples therapy can help you determine whether it is due to a physical cause or a psychological cause.

Ask your partner to help, and be patient. Increase sexual stimulation – some women find that a certain position causes more stimulation and is more effective in achieving orgasm.

Sex Therapy in Montclair

If your attempts do not work, there is counseling available to help treat this phenomenon. It’s supposed to be fun and feel good – so if it doesn’t, it may be time to get marriage counseling to get your physical relationship back on track.

We are licensed in counseling and psychology, and we focus on keeping our clients comfortable even though they’re talking about a very uncomfortable subject.

Contact our team at Advanced Psychology Partners by calling us today at (973) 534-5333, or request a consultation by filling out our online form. Let us help you put the joy back in sex.

The Phenomenon of “Bed Death”

Bed death is when two people in a committed relationship no longer have sex as often as both or either would like. Sometimes it is referred to as a “sexless relationship” because of the infrequency of intimate relations. Here in the U.S., it is estimated that there are approximately 20 million people in sexless relationships.

This issue of bed death is a very real phenomenon among couples for many reasons. First, people naturally mellow out as we age. Second, there may be health issues or ancillary issues that are interfering with the levels of desire. Third, people these days are often distracted by cell phones and the internet.

When both people are no longer open and honest about this subject with each other, this is what needs to be addressed.

When Couples No Longer Have Sex

Whereas new couples cannot keep their hands off of one another, older or more long-term couples in some cases no longer touch one another. Many couples break up due to an apparent lack of interest in each other.

That is why it is so important to sit down and broach the subject. Sometimes people are afraid to discuss bed death for fear of more unhappiness, so they stay silent and suffer – but do not let this happen to you.

Come up with an ideal frequency of when you would like to have sex, and have your partner do the same. Then talk to each other about it.

How to Improve My Relationship with My Partner

That is a good starting point for discussions about what has happened to your sex life and why it has happened. It also provides the opportunity to start scheduling date nights and make time for them.

Spend time cuddling and just enjoying being together. Turn off those phones, and remove distractions. One thing may lead to another, but if it doesn’t, at least you have shared an intimate evening of simply being in each other’s company without answering texts.

Why Did We Stop Having Sex?

Bed death is a fairly common occurrence and can be caused by distractions, worries, stress, health, and other things that are getting in the way. If you don’t want it to be a problem, have an earnest discussion with each other.

A sexless marriage or relationship does not mean anything is wrong unless one or both partners are unhappy about it. The only people whose opinions matter in this instance are you two. Nobody else should be involved in defining your relationship, period.

Who Can Help Us Resolve Bed Death?

When two people in a relationship are no longer having sexual relations with each other, or they are having sex much less often than one or both would prefer, it is best to see an experienced sex therapist to help get past the issues that are causing it. This issue does not mean that the relationship is broken – it is indeed fixable.

Talk to relationship experts who have decades of experience in the field of marriage, relationships, and sexual intimacy. We are conveniently located in Montclair, New Jersey, about a block away from Bloomfield Avenue on Fullerton.

Contact us today at Advanced Psychology Partners by calling (973) 534-5333 or request an appointment online now. Let us help you get the spice back in your life.

Desire Discrepancy in Long-Term Relationships

People who have been together for a long period of time will naturally experience ups and downs in their relationship. They contend with raising children, working, money issues, and illnesses in the family or in the extended family.

When stressful events happen or as the couple gets older, hormone levels fluctuate. They must deal with the challenges (and pressures) of maintaining a healthy sexual relationship while dealing with all of the other normal issues of life. And all of this can cause desire discrepancy between them.

What Is Desire Discrepancy?

Desire discrepancy is when one partner in a relationship wants sex more frequently than the other. In couples who experience this discrepancy, it can lead to an overall decreased satisfaction with their relationship.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fifth Edition (DSM-V or DSM-5) calls the lower desire levels hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), or inhibited sexual desire, and ascribes the same condition to both men and women. The symptoms of this are a decreased desire for sexual intercourse or activity, a reduction in sexual thoughts or feelings, a decreased frequency of initiating sexual activity, and unresponsiveness to attempts at sexual activity.

What Causes This Sexual Problem in Long-Term Partnerships?

For one thing, women who are going through menopause, or have already been through it, have to deal with fluctuating hormone levels. These menopause-related issues can cause painful intercourse or problems reaching orgasm, and these factors can reduce her levels of desire for sex.

Similarly, men go through andropause as they get older, and this can cause erectile dysfunction. When this occurs, one or both partners may blame themselves or the other person, and this causes frustration and a lack of desire in the relationship.

Unhealthy Thinking in a Romantic Relationship

If a man thinks or feels that his wife is angered by him or frustrated with him, he will perceive a lack of desire on her part. Those roles can be reversed with the husband feeling like his wife does not feel sexually attracted to him.

However, the perceived imbalance is often greater than the actual imbalance, and a sex therapist can help both of you understand what is going on in your relationship. Many studies of long-term couples have found that the perceived imbalance is often simply due to a lack of communication between both partners.

Marriage and Sex Therapists in Montclair

The best way to get past desire discrepancy is by talking about it with a trusted professional and getting their advice and feedback. Keep your relationship going strong by seeing an experienced marriage counselor who specializes in relationship issues, including ones that center around the bedroom.

Here in Montclair, New Jersey, our team at Advanced Psychology Partners are experts in all areas of sexual counseling for different types of people in different walks of life. Call us today at (973) 534-5333 or request a consultation, and let us help your relationship overcome desire discrepancy. We are here to assist couples and help you understand each other.

Consensual Non-Monogamy: What Does It Mean?

Simply put, consensual non-monogamy is an umbrella term for what is more commonly referred to as swinging, polyamory, or other ethically “open” relationships. And while consensual non-monogamy has become a hot topic of national conversation, the practice of a couple staying together but seeking outside physical, romantic and/or emotional coupling is nothing new. What you might not know is that those involved in these relationships take their lifestyle very seriously and due to potential complexities, often are far better at laying out rules and discussing feelings and situations than many monogamous couples. Consensual non-monogamy may be nothing new, but for too many couples, taking a dip in this water brings with it high risk. Consensual non-monogamy: what does it mean, and why should you care?

Why Consensual Non-Monogamy?

Marriage vows are something to be taken very seriously. The same is true of those who have committed to long-term relationships. Consensual non-monogamy may have found its place when couples choose to stay together, but for whatever reason, go outside the marriage or bond to satisfy any number of needs. It could be that a couple chooses to explore sexual satisfaction elsewhere with a member of their own or opposite sex; perhaps a couple wants to include another member or couple into their relationship. Sometimes divorce simply is not in the cards and it just makes sense to keep a marriage amicable but seek outside relationships. No matter the reason, the keyword is “consensual” – no secrets and no affairs. Oftentimes with consensual non-monogamy, a contract or rules of engagement are followed and updated, as the scenario or participants see fit.

Types of Non-Monogamous Relationships

There are many types of non-monogamous relationships and each has its own set of rules, although some do overlap in places.

Polyamory has been described as the practice of and desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner with the consent of all parties involved. Those who engage in polyamory see the practice as ethical, consensual, and responsible non-monogamy, although that may slowly be changing; in a more modern context, traditional polyamory is evolving into more non-monogamous, multi-partner, non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships.
Group marriage is when several people form a single familial unit and each is considered to be married to the others. More specifically, “line families” are group marriages that are continual over time: as older an older member pass away, new younger members are brought in as replacements until all the people who created the union are long gone but the union still stands. Poly families are similar to group marriage except members do not necessarily consider all partners as spouses.
Polyfidelity is when participants have multiple sexual partners, but all are part of a larger, closed group.
Polygamy occurs when a spouse has more than one spouse. In many cases, one spouse has no clue his or her spouse has another spouse (or family). If this is the case, it is not considered consensual non-monogamy as no consensus has been reached. However —
- Polygyny is a form of polygamy in which one man can have several wives and all act together in concert as one big married family.
- Polyandry is a result of one wife, having multiple husbands.
Open relationships or open marriages permit one or both members in a committed relationship to explore sexual activity with other partners. This often has a set of boundaries, although some practitioners have no boundaries. Swinging is similar to open relationships, except that the rituals are conducted as an organized social activity.

Agreement through Consensus

Surprisingly, statistics show that persons involved in serial monogamy scored far lower in trust and higher in jealousy than those in polyamorous. This likely has to do with the open communication necessary to develop agreement through consensus. Do any of these arrangements sound good to you? Not so fast. Before you and your partner jump into a non-monogamous relationship, it is wise to seek guidance from an expert. When done right and with care, non-monogamous relationships can be successful and nurturing. Some may even bring a couple closer together. To be sure it’s right for you, it’s best to meet with a therapeutic professional who specializes in all types of non-traditional arrangements. Located in Montclair, Advanced Psychology Partners’ sex and relationship experts Donna Lobiondo and Eric K. Larsen have years of experience discussing these sometimes awkward subjects are here to help you and your loved one make wise and informed decision. Call them today at (973) 743-2990 or, request a complimentary meet and greet to see if one of these lifestyle changes can benefit your existing relationship.

Call Us: (973) 534-5333