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healthy sex

Five Signs It’s Time to See a Marriage Counselor

It’s not enough that two people love each other and want to be together. Successful relationships take a lot of work. Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that what may start off as a small issue can develop into a serious problem that could affect the future and health of the relationship. Before this happens, it’s a good idea to consider seeking help from a licensed and trained professional. But how do you know when it’s time to stop relying on your best friend or co-workers for advice and seek out professional help? Here are five signs that it may be time to see a marriage counselor.

Communicating Has Become Difficult

At the beginning of the relationship, most couples talk about anything and everything, often sharing their most intimate thoughts and dreams. However when partners begin to withhold dialogue and communication, professional help may be in order. Maintaining that open and honest level of communication is one of the most vital aspects of a healthy relationship – especially as relationships become weighted down with familial, professional, financial and social obligations. When communications have become stressed or barely existent, a marriage counselor can help reopen those lines and promote healthy communication skills and behaviors.

Trust Has Been Broken or Abused

Healthy relationships are built on trust and honesty. So it’s no wonder that infidelity is one of the most stressful events a relationship can experience.  In some cases, the seemingly harmless flirty tweets or messages posted on social media can be enough for a partner to feel discarded and hurt. And while some might believe that infidelity has to be sexual in nature, cheating could also mean hiding finances, addictions, identity concerns or any other issue. Where trust is broken or abused, expect a lot of work to salvage the relationship. In these cases, a marriage counselor can serve as a mediator to help repair the gap where trust may no longer exist.

Stuck in a Bad Groove

Remember the movie “Groundhog Day,” in which the title character is forced to relive the same day, every day, until he accepts change? When a relationship is stuck in the same groove – consistently repeating the same bad behaviors and diving down the same rabbit holes – it may be time to seek out professional assistance.  Nobody can change the past, but with the help of a marriage counselor these behaviors and issues can be addressed in a fresh light with a focus on strategies to overcome them.

A Life-Altering Event Happens

Many couples experience problems, but when a life-changing event happens like the birth of a child or loss of a job, the effects can be overwhelming to the status quo. Learning to navigate through these uncharted territories may require a guide with the experience and know-how to see you though to calmer waters. There are very few scenarios a marriage counselor hasn’t seen, and with that experience and compassion they can get you through.

Mutual Support Isn’t There

We all strive for validation, especially from our partner. When a partner feels as if they are no longer receiving support or encouragement from the other, communication and trust can wear down. Involving friends or family, or worse, involving children, can only seek to divide and create animosity. The best bet is to seek help from a marriage counselor who can bring issues into the open and bring in unbiased expertise.

Don’t Delay

Making the choice to pursue couples counseling is a huge step toward validating and saving a relationship. At Advanced Psychology Partner, we know relationships take work. If you are experiencing problems in your relationship, contact the professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners by calling (973) 534-5333 or, request your free consultation. We are here to help.

Bringing Tools Into The Bedroom

There are many reasons you may want to bring tools into the bedroom. Whether it’s to spice up your sex life, or out of sheer curiosity, sex toys can be a great addition to your sex life. Bringing sex toys into your bedroom may seem like a daunting conversation to have with your partner.  You may be apprehensive that your partner will judge you; you be worry that you will be judged or are afraid that you may be rejected. Bringing tools into the equation can be quite simple if you take a few things into consideration beforehand.

What to do Before You Buy a Sex Toy

Before committing to any sex toy, it’s important to talk to your partner about they feel about it. It may be best to approach the topic with your partner outside of the bedroom when you’re both in a good mood. This allows the subject to be something that’s more distanced, in case they are surprised by the content. Surprising your partner with a new toy may cause your partner to get defensive or feel pressured to go along, even if they’re uncomfortable. Once you’ve both agreed to try it out, you can start small.

Where to Start

You may want to start small with things that set the mood.  Start with some basic tools such as candles, lubricant, massage oils, educational books, and a romantic game. Once you get used to using these, it can create the mood to introduce toys. You will also want to make sure that there are no distractions. Put the smartphone away and have the kids stay with the grandparents for the weekend. That way you can focus on each other.

Discuss What You’re Comfortable With

It’s important to discuss the goal of the tool that you want to bring in. Is the experience you are seeking to create a romantic, sensual or highly erotic? For example, many people know that the correct vibrations can cause orgasms for women more easily than traditional sex. Some tools can enhance the intimacy and sensation for both men and women, even at the same time. Comfort is key with any sexual act or experience. The best way to be comfortable is to be educated.

Get Educated on Your Tools

Beware that you don’t just purchase any toy, as they can be poor quality and even harmful to the body. Any toys you use in or around the body should be 100% silicone, 100% elastomer, or food-grade vinyl. You can shop online, in a specialty store, at home through personal shoppers or even at a local drug store. Also, be sure to be educated on the shape or function of the tools and how to use them safely. You don’t want to have a set of Ben Wa balls go missing.

Speak the Same Language

Before getting underway with any sex toy, it’s important to set up rules of engagement and language. Decide what is acceptable and what is not; be honest and ensure your partner knows not to take anything personally if things don’t go as planned. Remember, a great partnership takes years to build, with lots of give and take, and sometimes compromise.

Experience great sexual health for yourself and your partner with the help of professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners. We assist patients of all sexual orientation and ages and we offer personalized therapy in a comfortable, private environment. Choose the therapist you wish to confide in and you will be treated with the utmost discretion, compassion, and respect. To take the first step on the road to great sexual relationships and experiences, request an appointment today. Call (973) 534-5333 or complete our online appointment request form now.

4 Signs You Are Dealing with Sex Addiction

People can become addicted to many things: drugs, alcohol, gambling, and, yes, sex. All pleasure is processed in the brain in the same way, and releases dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical.

Many times, people become addicted to a certain product or action because it prompts the release of this chemical. Habitual engagement and overexposure to an activity causes the brain to produce dopamine with the activity.

Naturally, or without the activity, the brain begins to produce less dopamine than before – which can lead an individual to feel dependent on the activity. Unlike drugs, alcohol, and other addictions, sex addiction can be particularly difficult to identify and overcome, because sex is a natural part of life.

Healthy Sex vs. Sexual Addiction

Identifying healthy sex from a sexual obsession or addiction can be difficult. Most of us have a libido that creates a desire for sex. However, it becomes an issue when the act of sex becomes more important than the other person involved.

While it’s coined as a “sexual addiction,” the root cause is often a deeper mental battle. Below are some signs that are typical in someone with a sex addiction:

  1. Habitual Masturbation

In general, masturbation is normal for both men and women. It becomes a cause for concern if it’s excessive, such as several times per day. An individual with this addiction may regularly think about the next time they’ll be able to do it, and even think of excuses to get away from social situations to do it.

  1. Insatiable Sex Drive

Individuals struggling with sex addiction may feel like they’re never satisfied. Engaging in sexual activity causes them to want more and more. If they’re not partaking in sex, they’re often thinking about it.

  1. Multiple Partners

An individual with this type of addiction will attempt to have multiple people they can get together for sexual interactions. This causes a struggle to maintain a healthy relationship for many people with sexual addictions.

  1. Habitual Phone Sex or Online Sex

Many sex addicts who are trying to sustain a monogamous relationship go around the infidelity issue by using online cybersex partners, or calling sex hotlines to have phone sex with strangers. They may also be addicted to watching pornography online.

Who Can Help Me Overcome Sex Addiction?

Dealing with a sexual addiction makes it difficult to maintain a normal life, and can even affect your loved ones. While it can feel like you’re confined in a cycle of repetitive sexual behavior, the professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners can help you overcome your sexual addiction.

You are just one call away to a healthier, happier sex life. It is possible to achieve optimum sexual health with the professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners. We offer personalized, results-driven therapy in a comfortable, private environment for patients of all sexual orientations.

We offer comfortable, discreet counseling with compassion and respect. To take the first step to sexual satisfaction, contact us today. Call (973) 534-5333 or complete our online appointment request form now. Let us help you achieve a satisfying lifestyle again.

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Recent Posts

  • How Does Couples Therapy Work?
  • How do I Find a Couples Therapist?
  • How Marriage Counseling Can Help Overcome an Infidelity
  • Top Benefits of Couples Therapy
  • Sex Addicts Anonymous: How to Help Your Partner

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At Advanced Psychology Partners in Montclair, NJ, psychologist Donna Lobiondo, and licensed professional counselor Eric K. Larsen, offer marriage counseling, couples therapy, sex therapy, and individual and group psychotherapy for grief, depression, anxiety, or difficult life transitions.

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