Couples Therapy

How Does Couples Therapy Work?

Congratulations to you and your partner for seeking out couples therapy to get through an impasse or work through a problem to take your relationship to the next level. Once you have selected a therapist who is right for you, you will start your sessions. But how does couples therapy work? Here are a few things you can expect.

Couples Therapy is a Process

For couples therapy to be effective, both parties have to want to be active, engaged, and honest participants. That’s because couples therapy is a process, not a series of isolated sessions. Don’t expect a free for all with finger-pointing and “he said/she said.” Rather, couples therapy is most effective when it is used to to identify problems, then working through these problems without conflict to develop solutions and methodologies to reach your goals.

Expect Change

Change isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, when guided by a trained professional, change can result in growth, awareness, and an opportunity to re-evaluate feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Your therapist will not only serve as a counselor but also as a facilitator so both parties can express their perspectives in a judgment-free, safe environment, where growth is both nurtured and encouraged.

Expect Homework

Throughout your sessions, you should expect to explore communication styles, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are impacting your relationship. And don’t expect the work to stop once the session is over. Your therapist may ask you to keep a journal, practice behaviors at home or try new ways of approaching a scenario.

Expect a Unique Experience

Before engaging in couples therapy, you may seek advice from a friend or scan the web for a how-to of what to expect. Remember, couples counseling is anything but one-size-fits-all. Each couple is unique as a union, as well as the individuals that comprise it. Your therapist may recommend individual sessions, joint sessions – or both; whatever is best for you. No matter the type of relationship you’re in – whether heterosexual or alternative sexuality communities; or whatever lifestyle you choose to practice, you should feel comfortable and accepted in your space and with your counseling professional.

It May Get Awkward

Discussing sexuality and intimacy, dysfunction, lifestyle preferences, and fidelity can be awkward and uncomfortable. Still, you should be prepared to incorporate these or any other relevant topics into the conversation. As you and your partner feel more comfortable opening up about topics that are impacting your relationship, your therapist will be better able to gauge the success of your personalized, results-oriented therapy plan.

Couples Therapy in Montclair

Advanced Psychology Partners in Montclair, NJ, provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented counseling and therapy for individuals and couples. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, Ph.D. and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures patients get the specialized counseling they need in a judgment-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333. Not sure what to expect? Please inquire about our FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

How do I Find a Couples Therapist?

The decision for a couple to turn to therapy is a positive step to not only open lines of communication and understanding but to restore the relationship if that is the goal. But how do you know which therapist is best for and your partner? If you find your relationship would benefit from professional couples therapy but you don’t know how to choose which therapist is right for you, here are some helpful tips.

Articulate the Problem

There are many reasons why a couple would seek therapy, ranging from sexual dysfunction, addiction and death of a loved one to divorce and trauma. While you and your partner may not be able to understand the many nuances of the problem, you both should feel at ease to articulate your concerns and then let the therapist use your input to develop the best plan to suit your needs.

Experience and Education

While many therapists offer many of the qualities you are seeking, each couple is unique and not all therapists are prepared or trained to work with their specific needs. When seeking out a couple’s therapist, be sure they have the education and training to provide the best care for you. Your perspective couples therapist should encourage you to ask questions about their background; you should also peruse the practice’s Web site to understand their approach to counseling and therapy.

Open-Minded

Many therapists are adept at working with couples, however, they may be uncomfortable or unprepared to discuss some of the more personal or nuanced aspects of a modern long-term relationship. A therapist who doesn’t judge and remains open-minded about “alternative” lifestyles that may include BDSM, polyamory, and swinging can provide the insight and guidance you need while navigating non-traditional relationships. Likewise, if required, the therapist should be as comfortable working with gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and non-binary/genderqueer couples as he or she would with a heterosexual couple.

Dealing with Infidelity

Infidelity doesn’t have to be the nail in a relationship’s coffin. Seeking counseling for infidelity – whether intimate or cyber – with the support of a knowledgeable and trained therapist can lead to a greater understanding of underlying problems in a relationship.

Goal-oriented

A couple that mutually agrees to seek counseling should have goals in mind. Whether it’s strengthening the relationship; overcoming loss; re-establishing trust, intimacy and mutual respect; or seeking the best ways to part amicably, your therapist should be willing to work toward your goals, offering guidance and flexibility as you and your partner progress in your sessions.

Couples Therapy in Montclair, NJ

Seeking the right therapist for you and your partner shouldn’t be a guessing game. In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented counseling and therapy that can help you through the bumps and bruises that can occur in any committed relationship. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, Ph.D. and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures couples get the expert and caring counseling they need in a judgment-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333. Be sure to ask about our FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you and your partner.

Top Benefits of Couples Therapy

There are many reasons a couples would seek therapy. Whether there are behaviors deeply affecting the relationship or a situation has arisen that a couple is trying to deal with, couples therapy may be in order to ensure a relationship continues to thrive. Even couples who have no trouble communicating may face a situation where an outside party can help them navigate rough or choppy waters. If communication is lacking between you and your partner or there is a situation that is uncharted, it’s best to seek professional help. Here are just a few benefits of couples therapy.

Couples Therapy Can Help with Intimacy

Problems that may plague a relationship often play out in the bedroom. Sometimes the reason may have to do with external factors, such as an affair, frustration with work or life in general, exhaustion or boredom. However, difficulty to achieve – or lack of – intimacy may be the result of an underlying health issue. Both men and women can suffer from sexual dysfunction that affects intimacy. For a man it could be physical trauma, Low Testosterone, or a medical condition; for women, it may be menopause, vaginal dryness or treatment for an illness or medical condition. While the health issues can be addressed through medical treatment, the affects may result in misunderstandings, communications issues, even shame. If you are experiencing a lack of intimacy, for any reason, couples therapy can help and can also serve as a great supplement to medical treatment.

Couples Therapy and Non-Traditional Relationships

While a couple may enthusiastically engage in alternative lifestyle relationships – from polyamory to an “open relationship” to practicing kink or BDSM – enthusiasm isn’t always enough to maintain the base relationship. Couples counseling can help you set much needed boundaries, helping you to establish rules, understanding and expectations in a safe, non-judgmental place.

Couples Therapy and a Happy Family

All families are different and deal with problems differently. A counselor can assist in creating open lines of communication and help a couple navigate their unique experiences to come together as a unified, supportive front.

Couples Therapy Can Open Lines of Communication

Spouses need to be able to express themselves without fear of misunderstanding, shutting down or retaliation. Couples therapy can teach both parties how to communicate more effectively, offering techniques and tactics to create a give-and-take that helps couples grow and thrive.

Couples Therapy and Conflict Resolution

By seeing a therapist, you and your partner can learn best practices to resolve conflict and differences that can weigh a partnership down.

Couples Therapy and Dealing with Loss and Trauma

Devastating news can strain even the strongest relationships. Whether it’s illness, loss of a loved one, losing a job, or a strain on trust, couples therapy can help by providing guidance and strategies to cope with and work through change.

Couples Counseling in Montclair

Whether you are in a “traditional” marriage, are life partners, engaged, or dating, a healthy relationship takes lots of work. In many cases, the guidance of an expert couples therapist can help that relationship mature and grow. In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides discreet, personalized, results-oriented therapy that can help your relationship be all it can be. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric K. Larsen, MA, LPC provides couples the counseling they need for a lifetime of success. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to get a sense of what working with us will be like.

The Phenomenon of “Bed Death”

Bed death is when two people in a committed relationship no longer have sex as often as both or either would like. Sometimes it is referred to as a “sexless relationship” because of the infrequency of intimate relations. Here in the U.S., it is estimated that there are approximately 20 million people in sexless relationships.

This issue of bed death is a very real phenomenon among couples for many reasons. First, people naturally mellow out as we age. Second, there may be health issues or ancillary issues that are interfering with the levels of desire. Third, people these days are often distracted by cell phones and the internet.

When both people are no longer open and honest about this subject with each other, this is what needs to be addressed.

When Couples No Longer Have Sex

Whereas new couples cannot keep their hands off of one another, older or more long-term couples in some cases no longer touch one another. Many couples break up due to an apparent lack of interest in each other.

That is why it is so important to sit down and broach the subject. Sometimes people are afraid to discuss bed death for fear of more unhappiness, so they stay silent and suffer – but do not let this happen to you.

Come up with an ideal frequency of when you would like to have sex, and have your partner do the same. Then talk to each other about it.

How to Improve My Relationship with My Partner

That is a good starting point for discussions about what has happened to your sex life and why it has happened. It also provides the opportunity to start scheduling date nights and make time for them.

Spend time cuddling and just enjoying being together. Turn off those phones, and remove distractions. One thing may lead to another, but if it doesn’t, at least you have shared an intimate evening of simply being in each other’s company without answering texts.

Why Did We Stop Having Sex?

Bed death is a fairly common occurrence and can be caused by distractions, worries, stress, health, and other things that are getting in the way. If you don’t want it to be a problem, have an earnest discussion with each other.

A sexless marriage or relationship does not mean anything is wrong unless one or both partners are unhappy about it. The only people whose opinions matter in this instance are you two. Nobody else should be involved in defining your relationship, period.

Who Can Help Us Resolve Bed Death?

When two people in a relationship are no longer having sexual relations with each other, or they are having sex much less often than one or both would prefer, it is best to see an experienced sex therapist to help get past the issues that are causing it. This issue does not mean that the relationship is broken – it is indeed fixable.

Talk to relationship experts who have decades of experience in the field of marriage, relationships, and sexual intimacy. We are conveniently located in Montclair, New Jersey, about a block away from Bloomfield Avenue on Fullerton.

Contact us today at Advanced Psychology Partners by calling (973) 534-5333 or request an appointment online now. Let us help you get the spice back in your life.

Desire Discrepancy in Long-Term Relationships

People who have been together for a long period of time will naturally experience ups and downs in their relationship. They contend with raising children, working, money issues, and illnesses in the family or in the extended family.

When stressful events happen or as the couple gets older, hormone levels fluctuate. They must deal with the challenges (and pressures) of maintaining a healthy sexual relationship while dealing with all of the other normal issues of life. And all of this can cause desire discrepancy between them.

What Is Desire Discrepancy?

Desire discrepancy is when one partner in a relationship wants sex more frequently than the other. In couples who experience this discrepancy, it can lead to an overall decreased satisfaction with their relationship.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fifth Edition (DSM-V or DSM-5) calls the lower desire levels hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), or inhibited sexual desire, and ascribes the same condition to both men and women. The symptoms of this are a decreased desire for sexual intercourse or activity, a reduction in sexual thoughts or feelings, a decreased frequency of initiating sexual activity, and unresponsiveness to attempts at sexual activity.

What Causes This Sexual Problem in Long-Term Partnerships?

For one thing, women who are going through menopause, or have already been through it, have to deal with fluctuating hormone levels. These menopause-related issues can cause painful intercourse or problems reaching orgasm, and these factors can reduce her levels of desire for sex.

Similarly, men go through andropause as they get older, and this can cause erectile dysfunction. When this occurs, one or both partners may blame themselves or the other person, and this causes frustration and a lack of desire in the relationship.

Unhealthy Thinking in a Romantic Relationship

If a man thinks or feels that his wife is angered by him or frustrated with him, he will perceive a lack of desire on her part. Those roles can be reversed with the husband feeling like his wife does not feel sexually attracted to him.

However, the perceived imbalance is often greater than the actual imbalance, and a sex therapist can help both of you understand what is going on in your relationship. Many studies of long-term couples have found that the perceived imbalance is often simply due to a lack of communication between both partners.

Marriage and Sex Therapists in Montclair

The best way to get past desire discrepancy is by talking about it with a trusted professional and getting their advice and feedback. Keep your relationship going strong by seeing an experienced marriage counselor who specializes in relationship issues, including ones that center around the bedroom.

Here in Montclair, New Jersey, our team at Advanced Psychology Partners are experts in all areas of sexual counseling for different types of people in different walks of life. Call us today at (973) 534-5333 or request a consultation, and let us help your relationship overcome desire discrepancy. We are here to assist couples and help you understand each other.

Call Us: (973) 534-5333