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Sex Therapy

Make-Up Sex After an Argument: Is It Good or Bad?

Many couples argue and often try to put the fighting behind them by having “make-up sex.” But is this a good habit to get into or will it lead right back down the same dead-end street? Most make-up sex is bad news because it reinforces all of the emotional drama associated with the fighting. The root of this type of sexual relations is extremely negative feelings during a heated argument.

These couples, wanting to switch gears to the opposite end of the spectrum, often crave intimacy and wind up having make-up sex to quell the mutual bad feelings that are presiding over the relationship at that moment.

Not Resolving Issues

By replacing an honest talk with make-up sex, the couple avoids a healthy discussion about the relationship. Couples who do this are actually doing their relationship a disservice. They eventually miss the thrill of make-up sex and subconsciously start fights just so they can be “solved” with make-up sex.

If one partner feels unable to communicate with the other about anything serious without starting a fight, the simplest solution often seems to be just tabling those hurt feelings. This, in turn, leads to resentment, more bad feelings, and ultimately an unhealthy relationship.

Rehashing Old Arguments

By bringing up or making jabs related to an old argument, a couple is doomed to never move past it. This is a very unhealthy habit that ensures a never-ending feud – especially if the argument was already resolved. Bringing up the past after already coming to an understanding indicates to a partner that previous resolutions don’t mean anything to the relationship – leaving no incentive for either partner to attempt reconciliation in the future. If you resort to make-up sex instead of resolving your issues, you’re likely to face the same arguments all over again.

Making Excuses

Instead of lying about the reason for a fight, making up a flimsy excuse, and engaging in make-up sex, sit and have a frank discussion about how the argument started and why it led to a fight. Making excuses just covers up the truth underneath, which eventually comes out anyway. Honest communication will get you much further in the long run than any make-up sex ever could. Sex-based on truthful communication has a much better chance of being a loving, satisfying experience.

Professional Help for Your Relationship in New Jersey

If you and your partner are mired in make-up sex and avoiding that all-important talk, reach out to our professional counselors at Advanced Psychology Partners. We offer a full range of couples and singles counseling to help resolve a multitude of issues.

Call us at (973) 743-2990, or schedule a complimentary meet & greet using our form online to see how we can help you and your relationship.

The Ted Bundy Dilemma: Should You Be Scared of Pornography Addiction?

A Netflix documentary released earlier this year and an upcoming feature film starring Zac Efron are bringing new light on Ted Bundy, one of the most notorious sexual predators in U.S. history. Interestingly, Bundy claimed his addiction to pornography fed the monster inside him as his porn consumption began taking on a darker and harder edge. Renewed interest and analysis of Ted Bundy and other serial killers like Jeffrey Dahmer has led to a national conversation of what a pornography addiction is and whether or not you should be concerned if you or someone you care about has one. Does an addiction to pornography lead down a dark, murderous path? Here’s what you need to know about The Ted Bundy Dilemma and if you should be scared of a pornography addiction.

Why Porn?

The adult entertainment and pornography industry states it is performing a vital service for its consumers. And with an estimated $100 billion per year in revenues – that’s an average of about $3,000 per second – the pornography industry is one of the largest and most profitable businesses in the world. With couples enjoying porn to spice up their sex lives and alternative lifestyles being more common, pornography has become more accepted and mainstream. However, under the umbrella of pornography, there are niches that some may find morally bereft or peculiar; there are also darker sub-genres that go against the laws of nature, and also, the laws of the land.

Porn Fed the Monsters

Most people enjoy pornography to satisfy desires, loneliness, curiosity. However, some are not content with more “tame” material and seek out higher highs. A very rare few take matters into their own hands and find victims to act out their darkest desires and fantasies. Many prolific serial killers, including Bundy, Dahmer, Richard Ramirez, and John Wayne Gacy professed to porn addiction. In fact, Dahmer stated he would prepare to hunt for a victim by reviewing pictures of his previous victims, which he considered his victories. For Bundy, Dahmer and the like, seeing others victimized desensitized them; they began to see their victims as disposable.

A Dangerous Path

While none of these sadists blamed their actions on porn, they all professed an affinity for hardcore pornography. And with the advent of the dark web, one no longer needs to walk the streets or travel abroad to find fulfilment. That being said, not all pornography is bad but an addiction to porn, like to gambling, is not considered healthy. Those who do become addicted to porn likely will do so in secret. Bundy referred to his own addiction saying “…like an addiction, you keep craving something harder, which gives you a greater sense of excitement until you reach a point where the pornography only goes so far.”  In that sense, it may be fair to conclude that anyone who begins to isolate themselves or consume more intense or dark porn may be traveling down a very frightening and dangerous path.

A common denominator

Bundy stated “I’ve lived in prison for a long time now and I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence just like me and without exception, every one of them was … deeply influenced and consumed by an addiction to pornography.”

Seeking Help

It is possible to have a healthy sex life that is enriched by pornography, but when someone favors over interpersonal relationships, there may be cause for concern. If someone you know is addicted to pornography try to get them help. While the risk of them committing atrocities should not be a concern, their addiction will not bode well to achieving thriving and healthy relationships.

Advanced Psychology Partners can help with addictions to pornography. Call them today at (973) 534-5333 for a complimentary meet and greet session, or request your session online and take that step toward a happy and healthy life.

Erectile Dysfunction: 5 Major Causes

Make no mistake about it – most men don’t enjoy talking about their sexual health. But it’s time to take erectile dysfunction (ED) off the taboo list of topics. According to the National Institutes of Health, 5 percent of 40-year-olds and 15 to 25 percent of 65-year-olds have ED.

While aging and ED can coincide, problems in the bedroom don’t have to be par for the course as you age.

ED is defined as the inability to get and keep an erection firm enough to have sexual intercourse, and there are many factors that can contribute to these types of performance problems. The following are five major causes of ED:

Blood Flow

The heart is our lifeline, pumping blood to all major parts and organs in the body – and the penis is no exception. Without proper blood flow to the penis, a man cannot achieve or sustain an erection. For those with cardiac-related conditions, such as high blood pressure, this is an unfortunate reality.

According to a Harvard Medical School report, atherosclerosis (clogged blood vessels and arteries) in regions supplying the genitalia can prevent the increase in blood flow required for intercourse. One helpful analogy is to think of the erection as a hydraulic mechanism, where blood is delivered temporarily, before ultimately being drained away.

Medication

Taking any medication comes with a certain modicum of risk, as evidenced by the laundry list of side effects listed at the end of popular drug commercials. Many medications such as beta-blockers and cancer chemotherapy medications, as well as illicit drugs (cocaine and amphetamines), can contribute to ED.

If you believe one of your medications could be the cause of trouble in the bedroom, speak with your physician who can analyze your medication regimen and modify it to mitigate the effects.

Neurological Conditions

The body’s neurological system is a complex web that sends messages to the rest of the body. When the wires get crossed – so to speak – things can go awry. Erectile dysfunction is often related to nervous system issues caused by spinal cord injuries, epilepsy, multiple sclerosis (MS), or Parkinson’s disease.

Researchers are working to improve quality of life and raise awareness of the complexities of sexual function in men with neurogenic disorders.

Endocrine Disease

Nerve damage is also part and parcel of diabetes – an endocrine disease and epidemic that affected 30.3 million Americans as of 2015. The health of the endocrine system is important for several reasons: it controls the reproductive system, mood, metabolism, and sexual function. A reduction in blood flow, coupled with off-kilter hormone levels, can lead to erectile trouble.

Psychological Factors

All too often, diagnoses take into account the physical but don’t pay close enough attention to the psychological factors that may be contributing to a disorder like ED. Emotional disorders, such as depression and anxiety, as well as lifestyle factors, can reduce interest in sex, detracting from one’s ability to maintain an erection.

Performance anxiety is another common cause of ED, leading to inability of getting or maintaining an erection in front of a partner. In these cases, the sheer stress of anticipating sexual activity can lead to dysfunction. Getting 20 minutes of exercise per day has been known to do wonders for alleviating stress. Speaking with a psychologist or getting sex therapy and education can also be highly beneficial.

Comprehensive Counseling in Montclair

Advanced Psychology Partners is a sex-positive and sex-affirming therapy and relationship practice, offering comprehensive care to patients looking to conquer sexual and social anxiety, sex drive changes, sexual desire discrepancy, and erectile dysfunction.

Our professionals will work with you as an individual or in a group.

The first step to solving erectile dysfunction is putting your guard down. Call (973) 743-2990 today for more information. You may also request an appointment or a complimentary Meet & Greet using our form online.

Polyamory vs. Open Marriage: What Does Each Relationship Type Mean?

Contrary to what many people believe, monogamy isn’t the only type of marital or committed relationship that people participate in. There are several types of modern-day relationships that cater to different people’s unique preferences.

Flexible ways of living in a non-monogamous relationship are being brought to light. Some people are gravitating to two kinds of non-monogamy – polyamory and open marriage – as a non-traditional way to live. Let’s discuss these two lifestyles.

What Is Open Marriage?

Open marriage is a blanket term for all kinds of consensual non-monogamy that could include swinging, polyamory, and condoned affairs. The key similarity among all of these is consent of all adults involved.

While some participants engage in this practice within their own religious affiliation, such as Muslims or Mormons practicing polygyny (whereby one male has multiple wives or female partners), others fall into the more progressive category for personal preferences.

Swingers

Swinging is the most well-known and most popular form of non-monogamy in marriage relationships. Broadly, it involves the consensual switching of partners for sexual purposes, usually at parties. It involves two or more couples getting together as a group and sharing each other’s spouses.

BDSM

Another type of practice that has gained notoriety through the book and movie Fifty Shades of Grey is BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism). BDSM often involves mainly bondage and domination, but contrary to popular belief, this practice doesn’t always include sex.

BDSM is more about exploring boundaries, emotions, and fantasies. Sado-masochism involves deriving sexual enjoyment while experiencing pain, and/or of inflicting pain or humiliation on another person.

What Is Polyamory?

There has been a recent influx of shows featuring unconventional relationships that include more than one person. These relationships notably display polyamory, which is being committed to and in love with two or more people at the same time.

Polyamory derives its meaning from the Greek word poly meaning many, and the Latin word amare meaning love – therefore, many loves. This is quite different from hidden, secretive affairs – polyamory implies full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

Contrast this with an open marriage relationship, which mostly centers around lighthearted sex with others outside the marriage. Polyamory means actually being in love with more than one person.

For some people participating in polyamory, there’s a certain misunderstanding of their dynamic. In many cases, polyamorous people will have one “anchor” family that they live with, and other relationships outside of that core group. It can be seen as a way to reduce the restrictions of a more traditional marriage.

However, open relationships should not be used as a way to soften the blow of someone who actually wants to break up or divorce, or to transition out of a committed situation – or, conversely, to keep such a relationship alive. Being open and honest with all adults involved is of utmost importance in all sexual and romantic relationships.

Sex Therapists in New Jersey

A sex-positive and sex-affirming sex and relationship therapy practice, Advanced Psychology Partners is your source for mental health, couples therapy, and sex therapy services. Our therapy sessions are completely confidential, and we’re open to talk about anything you want to talk about.

Whether you have concerns or questions regarding sexual preferences, or you are hoping to resolve couple conflicts or to eradicate sexual problems, we are here for you. For more information, call us at (973) 534-5333, or request a complimentary meet-and-greet with a therapist. We look forward to hearing from you.

How Erectile Dysfunction Can Affect You Psychologically

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common issue that affects the lives of both men and women. While it can be distressing physically, men can also experience psychological issues when dealing with erectile dysfunction.

Strain on their sex life, lack of communication, and emotional issues on each party’s end can create strain and conflict. Therefore, it’s important to discuss these sensitive issues and be open with each other.

Psychological Issues with ED

Men who struggle with impotency are dealing with more than just the physical condition, but also psychological and emotional distress. Coping with ED can be difficult because many men identify themselves with their ability to perform sexually.

It can be a huge insult to their self-esteem, their masculinity, and their self-confidence. Some men even start to feel depressed.

For their partner, there can be a disconnect of emotion and vulnerability. The partner may interpret certain behaviors incorrectly and feel rejected or unattractive. This can lead to arguments and even break-ups.

Dealing with ED Diagnosis and Treatment

Communication is very important when dealing with ED. Most men avoid talking about erectile dysfunction, especially in the moment in which it happens.

However, not talking about ED can negatively impact a couple’s sexual and personal relationship. Communication allows both partners to confront their feelings about ED and work together to overcome the emotional and psychological traumas, as well as work toward a solution.

One successful solution that has worked for many couples is having a proactive attitude toward erectile dysfunction. Confronting it directly makes both partners feel empowered.

Many professionals will suggest focusing on the moment and connecting with each other during lovemaking – fixating on the intimacy rather than fixating on the physical performance.

Another great tool is sex therapy.

Benefits of Sexual Therapy

In order to have a healthy relationship, couples should address the issue of ED together. Speaking with a therapist can work wonders to help couples get past their problems and improve the couple’s sexual and overall relationship.

Many men, and couples in general, are under the impression that erectile dysfunction is something that can be treated simply by taking a pill. However, meeting with a therapist who is trained in sex therapy can assist men and women in resolving the emotional, psychological, and physical issues that could be the cause of erectile dysfunction.

Sexual counseling can provide crucial assistance in recommending erotic and intimate practices for couples who are dealing with erectile dysfunction to eventually overcome the obstacle.

Sex Therapy in New Jersey

For great sexual health for yourself and your partner, it’s important to have clear communication – even with embarrassing topics like erectile dysfunction.

With the help of professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners, you and your partner can discuss your issues with erectile dysfunction in a therapeutic, safe, comfortable environment.

Our therapists will treat your issue with respect and compassion. Call our offices today at (973) 534-5333 to schedule an appointment, or complete our online appointment request form now. We look forward to helping you enjoy intimacy once again.

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