Advanced Psychology Partners

How Does Couples Therapy Work?

Congratulations to you and your partner for seeking out couples therapy to get through an impasse or work through a problem to take your relationship to the next level. Once you have selected a therapist who is right for you, you will start your sessions. But how does couples therapy work? Here are a few things you can expect.

Couples Therapy is a Process

For couples therapy to be effective, both parties have to want to be active, engaged, and honest participants. That’s because couples therapy is a process, not a series of isolated sessions. Don’t expect a free for all with finger-pointing and “he said/she said.” Rather, couples therapy is most effective when it is used to to identify problems, then working through these problems without conflict to develop solutions and methodologies to reach your goals.

Expect Change

Change isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, when guided by a trained professional, change can result in growth, awareness, and an opportunity to re-evaluate feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Your therapist will not only serve as a counselor but also as a facilitator so both parties can express their perspectives in a judgment-free, safe environment, where growth is both nurtured and encouraged.

Expect Homework

Throughout your sessions, you should expect to explore communication styles, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are impacting your relationship. And don’t expect the work to stop once the session is over. Your therapist may ask you to keep a journal, practice behaviors at home or try new ways of approaching a scenario.

Expect a Unique Experience

Before engaging in couples therapy, you may seek advice from a friend or scan the web for a how-to of what to expect. Remember, couples counseling is anything but one-size-fits-all. Each couple is unique as a union, as well as the individuals that comprise it. Your therapist may recommend individual sessions, joint sessions – or both; whatever is best for you. No matter the type of relationship you’re in – whether heterosexual or alternative sexuality communities; or whatever lifestyle you choose to practice, you should feel comfortable and accepted in your space and with your counseling professional.

It May Get Awkward

Discussing sexuality and intimacy, dysfunction, lifestyle preferences, and fidelity can be awkward and uncomfortable. Still, you should be prepared to incorporate these or any other relevant topics into the conversation. As you and your partner feel more comfortable opening up about topics that are impacting your relationship, your therapist will be better able to gauge the success of your personalized, results-oriented therapy plan.

Couples Therapy in Montclair

Advanced Psychology Partners in Montclair, NJ, provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented counseling and therapy for individuals and couples. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, Ph.D. and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures patients get the specialized counseling they need in a judgment-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333. Not sure what to expect? Please inquire about our FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

How Marriage Counseling Can Help Overcome an Infidelity

“To love, honor and cherish, ‘til death do us part.” The vows of marriage establish the parameters of eternal love and lifelong commitment. So what happens when these vows are tested by infidelity? For many couples, infidelity is a deal-breaker, meaning the marriage vows have become void; while others treat their marriage as a sacred bond worth fighting for. For them, an infidelity may serve as a result of something greater – something that can be overcome. For couples who may have experienced an infidelity, a wise thing is to seek marriage counseling. Here’s how marriage counseling can help overcome an infidelity.

Getting to the Why

For couples experiencing infidelity, the most commonly asked question is “why?” Depending on the reason, one partner may blame him or herself; another may be pointing accusatory fingers. In some cases, infidelity may rise from a series of unfortunate or unintended events. Whether one is seeking solace or appreciation, “hanky panky” on the side or is trying to reclaim validation or a feeling of virility, there is no one reason why one may cheat. Marriage counseling can offer a safe space where couples can discuss their feelings and concerns, with an unbiased professional to help them uncover clues as to why the infidelity occurred.

Salvaging a Relationship

A marriage counselor can offer strategies and suggestions to help a couple overcome an infidelity. Working through pain, shame, expectation and guilt – and learning to accept these behaviors – can pave the way to salvaging a relationship, a marriage and a family, or developing next steps if the relationship is coming to a close.

Coming to Terms with Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating. For others, it can provide a starting point to re-evaluate the relationship and the expectations that go along with it. Under the guidance of a professional marriage counselor, a couple can receive impartial, expert advice and guidance on how to process the situation in light of familial, cultural and personal expectations.

More than Meets the Eye

When it comes to infidelity, there may be more than meets the eye. No matter how close a couple is, it is still comprised of two unique people who require open and honest communication, trust, respect and validation. In short, it’s a private thing and must be addressed as such. With marriage counseling, what’s best for the couple is what matters. A professional marriage counselor will help the couple deal with external pulls and internal struggles, helping the couple reach resolution that is best for them and those they care for most.

Seeking Marriage Counseling in Montclair

Infidelity is a complex issue that can leave a couple feeling pained and conflicted. However, it can also result from any number of underlying issues. For some infidelity is a deal breaker; for those who believe the relationship is worth saving, marriage counseling may be an extremely valuable investment of time and energy.

In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented marriage counseling and therapy that can help you through an infidelity or any other relationship issue. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures couples get the counseling they need in a judgement-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

Top Benefits of Couples Therapy

There are many reasons a couples would seek therapy. Whether there are behaviors deeply affecting the relationship or a situation has arisen that a couple is trying to deal with, couples therapy may be in order to ensure a relationship continues to thrive. Even couples who have no trouble communicating may face a situation where an outside party can help them navigate rough or choppy waters. If communication is lacking between you and your partner or there is a situation that is uncharted, it’s best to seek professional help. Here are just a few benefits of couples therapy.

Couples Therapy Can Help with Intimacy

Problems that may plague a relationship often play out in the bedroom. Sometimes the reason may have to do with external factors, such as an affair, frustration with work or life in general, exhaustion or boredom. However, difficulty to achieve – or lack of – intimacy may be the result of an underlying health issue. Both men and women can suffer from sexual dysfunction that affects intimacy. For a man it could be physical trauma, Low Testosterone, or a medical condition; for women, it may be menopause, vaginal dryness or treatment for an illness or medical condition. While the health issues can be addressed through medical treatment, the affects may result in misunderstandings, communications issues, even shame. If you are experiencing a lack of intimacy, for any reason, couples therapy can help and can also serve as a great supplement to medical treatment.

Couples Therapy and Non-Traditional Relationships

While a couple may enthusiastically engage in alternative lifestyle relationships – from polyamory to an “open relationship” to practicing kink or BDSM – enthusiasm isn’t always enough to maintain the base relationship. Couples counseling can help you set much needed boundaries, helping you to establish rules, understanding and expectations in a safe, non-judgmental place.

Couples Therapy and a Happy Family

All families are different and deal with problems differently. A counselor can assist in creating open lines of communication and help a couple navigate their unique experiences to come together as a unified, supportive front.

Couples Therapy Can Open Lines of Communication

Spouses need to be able to express themselves without fear of misunderstanding, shutting down or retaliation. Couples therapy can teach both parties how to communicate more effectively, offering techniques and tactics to create a give-and-take that helps couples grow and thrive.

Couples Therapy and Conflict Resolution

By seeing a therapist, you and your partner can learn best practices to resolve conflict and differences that can weigh a partnership down.

Couples Therapy and Dealing with Loss and Trauma

Devastating news can strain even the strongest relationships. Whether it’s illness, loss of a loved one, losing a job, or a strain on trust, couples therapy can help by providing guidance and strategies to cope with and work through change.

Couples Counseling in Montclair

Whether you are in a “traditional” marriage, are life partners, engaged, or dating, a healthy relationship takes lots of work. In many cases, the guidance of an expert couples therapist can help that relationship mature and grow. In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides discreet, personalized, results-oriented therapy that can help your relationship be all it can be. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric K. Larsen, MA, LPC provides couples the counseling they need for a lifetime of success. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to get a sense of what working with us will be like.

Consensual Non-Monogamy: What Does It Mean?

Simply put, consensual non-monogamy is an umbrella term for what is more commonly referred to as swinging, polyamory, or other ethically “open” relationships. And while consensual non-monogamy has become a hot topic of national conversation, the practice of a couple staying together but seeking outside physical, romantic and/or emotional coupling is nothing new. What you might not know is that those involved in these relationships take their lifestyle very seriously and due to potential complexities, often are far better at laying out rules and discussing feelings and situations than many monogamous couples. Consensual non-monogamy may be nothing new, but for too many couples, taking a dip in this water brings with it high risk. Consensual non-monogamy: what does it mean, and why should you care?

Why Consensual Non-Monogamy?

Marriage vows are something to be taken very seriously. The same is true of those who have committed to long-term relationships. Consensual non-monogamy may have found its place when couples choose to stay together, but for whatever reason, go outside the marriage or bond to satisfy any number of needs. It could be that a couple chooses to explore sexual satisfaction elsewhere with a member of their own or opposite sex; perhaps a couple wants to include another member or couple into their relationship. Sometimes divorce simply is not in the cards and it just makes sense to keep a marriage amicable but seek outside relationships. No matter the reason, the keyword is “consensual” – no secrets and no affairs. Oftentimes with consensual non-monogamy, a contract or rules of engagement are followed and updated, as the scenario or participants see fit.

Types of Non-Monogamous Relationships

There are many types of non-monogamous relationships and each has its own set of rules, although some do overlap in places.

Polyamory has been described as the practice of and desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner with the consent of all parties involved. Those who engage in polyamory see the practice as ethical, consensual, and responsible non-monogamy, although that may slowly be changing; in a more modern context, traditional polyamory is evolving into more non-monogamous, multi-partner, non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships.
Group marriage is when several people form a single familial unit and each is considered to be married to the others. More specifically, “line families” are group marriages that are continual over time: as older an older member pass away, new younger members are brought in as replacements until all the people who created the union are long gone but the union still stands. Poly families are similar to group marriage except members do not necessarily consider all partners as spouses.
Polyfidelity is when participants have multiple sexual partners, but all are part of a larger, closed group.
Polygamy occurs when a spouse has more than one spouse. In many cases, one spouse has no clue his or her spouse has another spouse (or family). If this is the case, it is not considered consensual non-monogamy as no consensus has been reached. However —
- Polygyny is a form of polygamy in which one man can have several wives and all act together in concert as one big married family.
- Polyandry is a result of one wife, having multiple husbands.
Open relationships or open marriages permit one or both members in a committed relationship to explore sexual activity with other partners. This often has a set of boundaries, although some practitioners have no boundaries. Swinging is similar to open relationships, except that the rituals are conducted as an organized social activity.

Agreement through Consensus

Surprisingly, statistics show that persons involved in serial monogamy scored far lower in trust and higher in jealousy than those in polyamorous. This likely has to do with the open communication necessary to develop agreement through consensus. Do any of these arrangements sound good to you? Not so fast. Before you and your partner jump into a non-monogamous relationship, it is wise to seek guidance from an expert. When done right and with care, non-monogamous relationships can be successful and nurturing. Some may even bring a couple closer together. To be sure it’s right for you, it’s best to meet with a therapeutic professional who specializes in all types of non-traditional arrangements. Located in Montclair, Advanced Psychology Partners’ sex and relationship experts Donna Lobiondo and Eric K. Larsen have years of experience discussing these sometimes awkward subjects are here to help you and your loved one make wise and informed decision. Call them today at (973) 743-2990 or, request a complimentary meet and greet to see if one of these lifestyle changes can benefit your existing relationship.

Eight Questions to Ask Your New Psychologist

Having a new psychologist can be the beginning of an incredible and helpful relationship. Whether a friend recommended their therapist or a doctor referred you to a colleague they believe does good work, you probably have some trust in their judgment to listen to them, even though there may be some information you will want to learn for yourself about their background before you begin. Here are eight questions you should ask your new psychologist:

What are your techniques in therapy?

You’ll probably get a sense of their methods once you start your therapy sessions, but it might put you at ease to know their ways of connecting and helping patients ahead of time.

What can I expect during each session?

There may not be a uniform way that your therapist holds a session. If there is a particular activity that your therapist plans on employing in your sessions, this question will help clue you into that.

How is my confidentiality assured?

If confidentiality is a concern for you, as it is for most people, you may want to know how they keep your information. They should be compliant with all laws and rules, and ethical in their dealings. If you psychologist uses smart technology such as Facetime or chat apps, are they HIPAA compliant?

Are you available in case of an emergency, such as on weekends or holidays?

Some, not all, therapists give patients a contact number whenever they need to talk outside of sessions. However, most of the time they are in sessions with other clients, so you will likely have to leave a message and wait for a response. Some may be available after hours, some may not. This is something to discuss with your therapist.

How long are sessions?

A typical session is usually about an hour. Depending on the type of therapist you see and what your goal is, this can be longer. You’ll also want to know for your own scheduling purposes.

How much does a session cost?

If you have insurance, you may have a small copayment. If not, you’ll definitely want to know how much the sessions cost, as they can be costly over time.

What are your typical methods of treatment?

Some psychologists prefer to take more natural, holistic routes of treatment. Others may recommend medications. These will be prescribed by a psychiatrist or your physician.

How did you get into the field of therapy/counseling?

Some patients are skeptical of the motives and abilities of their therapist, especially if they’ve never met with one before. Understanding your therapist’s drive or passion for their career may boost your confidence in their abilities and their desire to help you.

Ask questions that may be specific to your needs or concerns, such as scheduling, past therapy experiences, medications you’re on, whether you are also seeing a psychiatrist if you have any substance abuse concerns, and if you don’t feel safe in your current environment.

You can achieve sexual health with the professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners. Serving patients of all sexual orientation, Advanced Psychology Partners offers personalized, results-oriented therapy in a comfortable, private environment. Choose the therapist you wish to confide in and you will be treated with the utmost discretion, compassion, and respect. To take the first step on the road to recovery, request an appointment today.

Call Us: (973) 534-5333