Advanced Psychology Partners

How Marriage Counseling Can Help Overcome an Infidelity

“To love, honor and cherish, ‘til death do us part.” The vows of marriage establish the parameters of eternal love and lifelong commitment. So what happens when these vows are tested by infidelity? For many couples, infidelity is a deal-breaker, meaning the marriage vows have become void; while others treat their marriage as a sacred bond worth fighting for. For them, an infidelity may serve as a result of something greater – something that can be overcome. For couples who may have experienced an infidelity, a wise thing is to seek marriage counseling. Here’s how marriage counseling can help overcome an infidelity.

Getting to the Why

For couples experiencing infidelity, the most commonly asked question is “why?” Depending on the reason, one partner may blame him or herself; another may be pointing accusatory fingers. In some cases, infidelity may rise from a series of unfortunate or unintended events. Whether one is seeking solace or appreciation, “hanky panky” on the side or is trying to reclaim validation or a feeling of virility, there is no one reason why one may cheat. Marriage counseling can offer a safe space where couples can discuss their feelings and concerns, with an unbiased professional to help them uncover clues as to why the infidelity occurred.

Salvaging a Relationship

A marriage counselor can offer strategies and suggestions to help a couple overcome an infidelity. Working through pain, shame, expectation and guilt – and learning to accept these behaviors – can pave the way to salvaging a relationship, a marriage and a family, or developing next steps if the relationship is coming to a close.

Coming to Terms with Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating. For others, it can provide a starting point to re-evaluate the relationship and the expectations that go along with it. Under the guidance of a professional marriage counselor, a couple can receive impartial, expert advice and guidance on how to process the situation in light of familial, cultural and personal expectations.

More than Meets the Eye

When it comes to infidelity, there may be more than meets the eye. No matter how close a couple is, it is still comprised of two unique people who require open and honest communication, trust, respect and validation. In short, it’s a private thing and must be addressed as such. With marriage counseling, what’s best for the couple is what matters. A professional marriage counselor will help the couple deal with external pulls and internal struggles, helping the couple reach resolution that is best for them and those they care for most.

Seeking Marriage Counseling in Montclair

Infidelity is a complex issue that can leave a couple feeling pained and conflicted. However, it can also result from any number of underlying issues. For some infidelity is a deal breaker; for those who believe the relationship is worth saving, marriage counseling may be an extremely valuable investment of time and energy.

In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides individualized, discreet and results-oriented marriage counseling and therapy that can help you through an infidelity or any other relationship issue. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric Larsen, MA, LPC ensures couples get the counseling they need in a judgement-free, safe space. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to see if our services are right for you.

Top Benefits of Couples Therapy

There are many reasons a couples would seek therapy. Whether there are behaviors deeply affecting the relationship or a situation has arisen that a couple is trying to deal with, couples therapy may be in order to ensure a relationship continues to thrive. Even couples who have no trouble communicating may face a situation where an outside party can help them navigate rough or choppy waters. If communication is lacking between you and your partner or there is a situation that is uncharted, it’s best to seek professional help. Here are just a few benefits of couples therapy.

Couples Therapy Can Help with Intimacy

Problems that may plague a relationship often play out in the bedroom. Sometimes the reason may have to do with external factors, such as an affair, frustration with work or life in general, exhaustion or boredom. However, difficulty to achieve – or lack of – intimacy may be the result of an underlying health issue. Both men and women can suffer from sexual dysfunction that affects intimacy. For a man it could be physical trauma, Low Testosterone, or a medical condition; for women, it may be menopause, vaginal dryness or treatment for an illness or medical condition. While the health issues can be addressed through medical treatment, the affects may result in misunderstandings, communications issues, even shame. If you are experiencing a lack of intimacy, for any reason, couples therapy can help and can also serve as a great supplement to medical treatment.

Couples Therapy and Non-Traditional Relationships

While a couple may enthusiastically engage in alternative lifestyle relationships – from polyamory to an “open relationship” to practicing kink or BDSM – enthusiasm isn’t always enough to maintain the base relationship. Couples counseling can help you set much needed boundaries, helping you to establish rules, understanding and expectations in a safe, non-judgmental place.

Couples Therapy and a Happy Family

All families are different and deal with problems differently. A counselor can assist in creating open lines of communication and help a couple navigate their unique experiences to come together as a unified, supportive front.

Couples Therapy Can Open Lines of Communication

Spouses need to be able to express themselves without fear of misunderstanding, shutting down or retaliation. Couples therapy can teach both parties how to communicate more effectively, offering techniques and tactics to create a give-and-take that helps couples grow and thrive.

Couples Therapy and Conflict Resolution

By seeing a therapist, you and your partner can learn best practices to resolve conflict and differences that can weigh a partnership down.

Couples Therapy and Dealing with Loss and Trauma

Devastating news can strain even the strongest relationships. Whether it’s illness, loss of a loved one, losing a job, or a strain on trust, couples therapy can help by providing guidance and strategies to cope with and work through change.

Couples Counseling in Montclair

Whether you are in a “traditional” marriage, are life partners, engaged, or dating, a healthy relationship takes lots of work. In many cases, the guidance of an expert couples therapist can help that relationship mature and grow. In Montclair, NJ, Advanced Psychology Partners provides discreet, personalized, results-oriented therapy that can help your relationship be all it can be. Our expert team of Donna Lobiondo, MDiv, PhD and Eric K. Larsen, MA, LPC provides couples the counseling they need for a lifetime of success. To schedule an appointment with Donna or Eric, use our online form, or call us at (973) 534-5333 to schedule a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to get a sense of what working with us will be like.

Starting the “Open Relationship” Conversation

Having any romantic relationship can be challenging, but when discussing moving from a monogamous relationship to an open relationship, it can open the door to numerous complex issues, especially in marriage. Creating a set of do’s and don’ts can help ease the tension – and it’s very important to consider these and acknowledge their weight before walking in and dropping the “open relationship” bomb on your significant other.

Some couples attempt to open the confines of their relationship to other people, but if a relationship is in a weakened state to begin with, opening it up to others is a surefire way to quickly hasten its demise. However, if a relationship is solid, it can possibly be done.

Start With Small Steps

If the lines of communication are open and strong, and it seems like both partners would be up for it, then you can start the conversation gently. Just take baby steps toward the actual process of asking. However, it’s not recommended to drop hints, as they could be misinterpreted as wanting to end the relationship, rather than keeping the relationship and opening it up to others.

Several reasons or factors can lead to the desire for an open relationship. Maybe the partners are best friends and deeply in love, but the sexual aspect simply never clicked. Or perhaps one partner suffered an injury and can no longer perform sexually. Any of these reasons can be used as the starting point for a topic of conversation about an open relationship. The list of reasons goes on, but just be aware of the dangers before ever broaching the topic.

Don’t Be Forceful or Pushy

The quickest way to scare off a partner is to demand an open relationship. Keep in mind that while one partner may feel this is wonderful, the other may think it’s the absolute worst idea ever – and dropping that bomb might end what was a healthy, strong relationship.

However, if the time has come and it’s a viable request, do it in a way that does not threaten the other partner. It cannot be done with half-truths or keeping secrets. That is a sure way to force the other partner’s hand. The sole way for it to work is if both parties want the same thing and can speak frankly about it.

Address Any Fears

Obviously, if this is new territory for you or your primary partner, there could be some fear or hurt feelings. Address those fears and reassure your partner of the dedication to stay together and that it is not a fault of theirs causing this, but rather a desire to explore various outside avenues, either sexually or romantically. But do not lay blame on your partner. Explain the benefits that could result out of an open relationship.

If the talk does not go well, or your partner still has reservations, reassure them of your commitment by tabling it for another time. If your partner is open to the idea, don’t jump up and rush out on a date with another person just yet. Talk it through, and think of all the possible outcomes and feelings that are sure to come up as a result of your primary relationship’s barriers being relaxed.

Set Ground Rules

In addition to keeping secrets, not playing by established rules will hasten the demise of the primary relationship. For example, at the start of an open relationship, both parties could come home to one another, discuss events outside the relationship for full transparency, and reestablish the desire to stay together even though the relationship has been opened to others. Another ground rule is to always keep lines of communication open, including sharing all types of communication that happen with any partners outside the primary relationship.

If there are children in the household, keep in mind how confused they could become by your open relationship arrangement. It is very important to establish a ground rule that disclosure to children about the open relationship should not occur. That information should remain for adults only. Do not let the children become aware of any aspect of the open relationship until they have formed their own values and could understand what is going on.

As challenging as things can be, it is crucial to set ground rules ahead of time, and most importantly, to obey them. This is a matter of honesty and respect for your partner, which will help keep your primary relationship on solid ground.

Comprehensive Relationship Counseling in New Jersey

At Advanced Psychology Partners, we handle all types of mental health issues with a special focus on couples issues and sexual issues. If you wish to explore an open relationship, we can help you and your partner come to an agreement, as well as speak through any issues stemming from your open relationship.

We are professionals and have experience with all types of lifestyle choices. If you and your loved one wish to explore a new lifestyle but are concerned, contact us for guidance. We offer a complimentary “meet and greet” session to place both partners at ease and introduce everyone concerned.

Call us at (973) 534-5333, or request an appointment using our online form. We look forward to helping you navigate your relationship concerns.

Eight Questions to Ask Your New Psychologist

Having a new psychologist can be the beginning of an incredible and helpful relationship. Whether a friend recommended their therapist or a doctor referred you to a colleague they believe does good work, you probably have some trust in their judgment to listen to them, even though there may be some information you will want to learn for yourself about their background before you begin. Here are eight questions you should ask your new psychologist:

What are your techniques in therapy?

You’ll probably get a sense of their methods once you start your therapy sessions, but it might put you at ease to know their ways of connecting and helping patients ahead of time.

What can I expect during each session?

There may not be a uniform way that your therapist holds a session. If there is a particular activity that your therapist plans on employing in your sessions, this question will help clue you into that.

How is my confidentiality assured?

If confidentiality is a concern for you, as it is for most people, you may want to know how they keep your information. They should be compliant with all laws and rules, and ethical in their dealings. If you psychologist uses smart technology such as Facetime or chat apps, are they HIPAA compliant?

Are you available in case of an emergency, such as on weekends or holidays?

Some, not all, therapists give patients a contact number whenever they need to talk outside of sessions. However, most of the time they are in sessions with other clients, so you will likely have to leave a message and wait for a response. Some may be available after hours, some may not. This is something to discuss with your therapist.

How long are sessions?

A typical session is usually about an hour. Depending on the type of therapist you see and what your goal is, this can be longer. You’ll also want to know for your own scheduling purposes.

How much does a session cost?

If you have insurance, you may have a small copayment. If not, you’ll definitely want to know how much the sessions cost, as they can be costly over time.

What are your typical methods of treatment?

Some psychologists prefer to take more natural, holistic routes of treatment. Others may recommend medications. These will be prescribed by a psychiatrist or your physician.

How did you get into the field of therapy/counseling?

Some patients are skeptical of the motives and abilities of their therapist, especially if they’ve never met with one before. Understanding your therapist’s drive or passion for their career may boost your confidence in their abilities and their desire to help you.

Ask questions that may be specific to your needs or concerns, such as scheduling, past therapy experiences, medications you’re on, whether you are also seeing a psychiatrist if you have any substance abuse concerns, and if you don’t feel safe in your current environment.

You can achieve sexual health with the professionals at Advanced Psychology Partners. Serving patients of all sexual orientation, Advanced Psychology Partners offers personalized, results-oriented therapy in a comfortable, private environment. Choose the therapist you wish to confide in and you will be treated with the utmost discretion, compassion, and respect. To take the first step on the road to recovery, request an appointment today.

Call Us: (973) 534-5333